It’s the disagreement that many households have — how do you load the dishwasher correctly? Do you put the dirty dishes in the sink until it’s time to run the dishwasher? Do you load the dishwasher as the dishes are dirtied? Do you empty the dishwasher immediately when it is complete? Ask yourself, does it really matter how the dishwasher gets loaded, as long as the dishes are cleaned?

TEACHING CHILDREN TO DO CHORES

is not always easy. First is the question of what age do you start letting making your child do chores. I started when my kids were around 4. Simple chores like pick up your toys and put them in the toy box before going to bed. But I also had them start taking a Clorox wipe and wiping the sink with it when they were probably kindergarten. Don’t judge. I know bleach kills germs and I was too poor to afford all the organic cleaners. I still came back and cleaned the sink my way once a week. But when they are that young, they still think it’s fun to help clean. So, I took advantage of that.

CHILD LABOR

Are you supposed to pay them an allowance to do chores or do they do chores just because they live there? I chose to combine the two options. As the children got older, I had a list of chores each of them had to do just for living there and then I had a list of chores that could be done for $1 each by any of them. Whoever completed it, received the money for that chore for that week. It didn’t have to be the same kid each week. I have 3 boys and I thought doing it this way would be a life lesson for them. Teach them that they get paid for the work they do, not just for existing. Since you can’t buy much with a dollar (even then), I thought I was also teaching them to save for what they wanted to buy.

THAT FAILED!

MOTIVATION

In the beginning the boys were kind of excited that they could earn some money. However, that didn’t last long. What I found was that the boys didn’t want to do the chores and didn’t care that they weren’t earning money. Apparently, we took care of our kids so well that they had no need to earn their own money. I guess for this type of lesson to work out, you have to deprive your children first. What I do know is that my kids were NOT motivated by money.

FAILING

As the boys grew into teenagers, the amount of dirt and grime they left throughout the house grew. Mom (that’s me) took care of everything for everyone. Clean the bathrooms, wash the laundry (did I mention more than 1 child played sports?), clean the kitchen, dust, mop the floors, vacuum, and anything else that may have needed doing. I also worked a 40 hour a week job. I was so overwhelmed all the time by the amount of things that needed to be done and felt unappreciated. How do other moms do it?

SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE

This went on for quite some time until one day I had enough and pretty much exploded on the family letting them all know that mom couldn’t do it all and that someone else in the house had to do something or I was going to go crazy. The response that I got was mixed. The thing I remember most was they didn’t think I was doing everything.

REALIZATION

I learned that no one wanted to do the laundry because they were afraid of messing it up. I was good at getting stains out of jerseys and no one wanted to ruin mom’s work clothes. I learned that the boys thought “Mom doesn’t think we do a good job cleaning the bathroom”. I learned my husband didn’t know he wasn’t pulling his weight. I just took care of it all so I must not need help was also what they thought.

COMPROMISE

My husband and my discussion ended in him agreeing to take care of the kitchen. What that really meant was the dishes, because I still have to clean the stove and mop the floors, but it’s something. My boys agree to the following conditions: Mom will only do laundry for you if your clothes are in the laundry room. How the laundry gets to and from the laundry room is their responsibility. Boys will clean toilet and sink in their bathrooms regularly. I will come in and clean it my way monthly. Mom still gets the lion share of the chores, but she is no longer doing EVERYTHING.

REALIZATIONS

The biggest thing I have learned throughout the years is that needing things to be done my way can be a heavy load. If I want someone to help, let them do it their way, or they won’t want to help. If I want help, I have to ask. No one can read minds. I’m still not good at asking for help.