When my brother ended his own life a couple of years ago, our family spent days together reflecting on the state of our families. We talked through things that needed to be said but had not previously been spoken. Although hard to hear, it was good for our family. It brought us closer together. We spent days together talking about things, comforting each other, and trying to move past the tragedy.

My husband’s uncle passed this past week and it was an entirely different type of situation. He did not have a direct, clear heir. His wife preceded him in death and they had no children. His siblings have all preceded him in death. He had no will and no identified beneficiaries. Most of the time, he was being assisted by his farmer neighbor when he needed rides to doctor or help with the cattle.

The issues began at the hospital on his final days. Who legally makes end of life decisions? Who makes decisions about his burial? Did he leave decisions with the funeral home when he was making arrangements for his wife? He is a cattle farmer. Who can legally care for and sell the cattle?

After his death, the next steps are to figure out how to proceed with his estate. Since he didn’t leave a will, it’s up to the courts. The family member who has taken charge will likely inherit nothing. There is cattle to tend to, farm loans to settle, property to settle, and taxes to file. The person who thinks they are in charge knows nothing about farming loans and taxes, nor cattle farming. The person who knows the most about it is the neighbor and he will get nothing for his assistance.

The takeaway from all of this is a need for a will. My husband and I created a will and a trust so that our family will not have to go through all of this chaos. We made sure all of our accounts have designated beneficiaries, the properties all have beneficiary deeds, and nothing should go to probate. By doing so, the family can mourn us and be close instead of fighting over whatever we leave behind.